Men's Awareness

There is an interesting biased article from "Ladies' Home Journal" (LHJ.com) called "What He's Really Thinking When You Fight". by Marianne L. Legato, MD (actually her name is Marianne J. Legato, MD, but the article displays the wrong middle initial).

The article is broken down into 4 sections. 1) Where the Problem Starts. 2) Anatomy of an Argument 3) Where Chemicals Come In 4) How to Fix It

Every single paragraph will be copied and pasted along with my translation of what the author is really saying.

Section 1) Where the Problem starts

From the article: "An hour before she and her husband, Tim, are expected at his parents' house, Liz walks in the door to find him watching football in the den with their toddler, Ella -- a dirty mess from her day at the playground -- at his feet. The house is a disaster, they're expected at the party in an hour and the cookies they had offered to bring to the get-together are sitting unbaked in the fridge. After racing to get the cookies in the oven while settling a work issue with a colleague on the phone, Liz dashes to the bedroom to change. "Will you get Ella ready to go? I've left her dress and shoes out," she calls out to Tim, who's still sitting in front of the tube. Tim nods his assent, and when Liz emerges, she finds him pacing impatiently by the door."

Translation: Naturally, "Where the Problem Starts" is with a man. Not just any man, a husband. Considering that husbands are a bunch of Peter Griffins and Homer Simpsons an article like this must ring true with many wives.

From the article: "Leaning over to adjust Ella's dress, she asks Tim if he's cleaned her up. "Yes," he says, exasperated. "We're late. Let's go." But when they arrive at Tim's parents', and Liz reaches to take Ella out of her car seat, she sees that her daughter's hands and face are still covered with grime. "She's filthy," Liz hisses. Tim shrugs, saying he'll clean her up when they get inside. "That's not the point, Tim," shouts a now-fuming Liz. "Why didn't you see how dirty she was when you were changing her? She needed a bath.""

Translation: This incompetent Neanderthal disobeyed direct orders from a female superior and needs to be scolded. He must have a bad case of Reactance in his male monkey brain.

From the article: "Once inside, Liz can't get over her anger -- she can't even bring herself to talk to her husband. Miffed by her coldness, Tim purposefully ignores it and within moments a conversation with his uncle eclipses Liz's distress in his mind. Tim's sister, on the other hand, takes one look at Liz's flushed face and pulls her into the kitchen for a hug and a chat. "I can't believe him," Liz seethes. "She looked like something out of Oliver Twist! Not only that, but lead levels in the soil in our neighborhood are astronomical!" she says. "We had such a scare after the renovation when her first tests came back high for lead. Does he want her to have brain damage?""

Translation: Women are entitled to their anger and have the right to carry it on and bring it to family events. Tim's sister hates poor Tim, too. Now he has two arrogant self-righteous women on his case. Of course they have a right to do this. After all, Tim is a reckless child abuser who's trying to poison Ella.

From the article: "Liz stays on a slow simmer for the rest of the evening. The next morning, she arrives at the breakfast table determined to find some kind of resolution. She tries to talk about the argument and what it means for their relationship, but Tim accuses her of exaggerating and overreacting. Liz thinks he doesn't care about her, and Tim doesn't know why she's making such a fuss. "Why," he wonders for the hundredth time, "does every little thing have to turn into a full-blown drama? Why can't she just move on?""

Translation: Again, women are entitled to their anger. They have the right to carry it over to the next day. Tim wonders the same thing many men do but because it question's women's superiority he needs to be reminded who's emotionally superior. Liz, of course. Therefore, it is her job to define what has meaning in the relationship and to hold Tim to her feminized ideals.

Section 2) Anatomy of an Argument

From the article: "Seen one way, Liz's fight with Tim is nothing more than a garden-variety marital spat. But viewed in another light, it illustrates how differently men and women react to an emotionally charged event, whether something as seemingly minor as being late to a party or something as major as a job loss. Why? Scientists are discovering that, starting in the womb, and for as long as we live, men and women receive information into brains that are significantly different in anatomy and chemical composition. Indeed, the very systems we use to produce ideas and emotion, to create memories, to conceptualize and internalize our experiences, and to solve problems are profoundly gender specific."

Translation: This is a setup for separating male intelligence and female intelligence. Once each are analyzed differently by women's magazines a bias is immediately created that men are stupid and women are mentally and emotionally superior. Meanwhile, the author does not name what scientists did what studies. She doesn't mention what their credibility is or who they work for. As long as women's magazines write "scientists say...." and follow it up with "superior blah blah blah...", it is scary to wonder how many females read this and believe it, then walk through life with a bigoted or at least arrogant attitude.

From the article: "To show you what I mean, let's go back and look, not at who's right and who's wrong, but at the "anatomy" of Liz and Tim's argument. Within seconds of her arrival home, Liz is in full battle readiness. As she processes each new stressor -- the untidy house, the unmade cookies, the issue at work -- her brain signals for hormones to help her cope with the stress by raising her blood pressure and pushing her heart to beat at a rate almost twice what's normal. Why? It boosts her ability to think clearly and make executive decisions; it also helps make a more accurate and detailed memory of the quarrel. This was probably a more useful adaptation for our distant ancestors, when mothers parenting vulnerable and dependent children and caring for other family members needed detailed recall of situations that had previously posed danger. What's more, in women the amygdala, the part of the brain that receives and responds to stressors, has extensive connections to the parts of the brain that control blood pressure and heart rate. Men, on the other hand, have a less-extensive network: Tim is engrossed in his game, cool as a cucumber."

Translation: Liz is a woman and therefore is not only entitled to her anger, but it causes a change in her biology which makes her stronger and smarter than usual during an argument with her husband. This is because of the "stressors" caused by Tim's irresponsibility. It is all his fault that a chemical reaction in her brain "boosts her ability to think clearly and make executive decisions". This same reaction causes Liz to "make a more accurate and detailed memory of the quarrel". She is not only entitled to argue, and better at it, but has a better memory of what happened. Tim has a less-extensive brain network than Liz, making him the inferior opponent since he is a male.

From the article: "Had he been left to his own devices, Tim probably would have responded to the time crunch by deciding to forget the cookies, figuring there would be enough food at the party without their contribution. Liz's hormones saw to it that she deemed otherwise. Under stress, a woman's body releases high levels of a hormone called oxytocin, a gender-specific and powerful chemical that predisposes women to make and preserve connections with other people, especially those who can help them, as Tim's parents could help Liz with Ella. That night, the hormone powered Liz to go the extra mile by making a batch of cookies to facilitate bonding."

Translation: Since women are superior, it is safe for the female author to assume Tim would have forgot the cookies. It is important for superior women to falsely accuse men of not taking responsibility by insisting "in theory he probably wouldn't have done it, anyway". This would of course been due to Tim having "been left to his own devices" because he needs a superior woman to give him specific instructions. Also, because she has oxytocin, Liz has the right to exploit him... I mean preserve connections that can "help her". Because she is "hormone-powered" she's an emotionally complex, bond-making, argument-starting, cookie-baking machine that men could not possibly comprehend with our pre-school brain wiring.

From the article: "What's more, Liz has more gray matter in the frontal cortex of her brain, the area just behind the eyes, than Tim does. This is the executive center of the brain, the CEO that controls our complex behaviors. Liz also has more connections between the two sides of her brain, which may explain how she is able to process several different streams of information at the same time -- dealing with her work issue while making a recipe, for instance, or endlessly analyzing her argument with Tim while making breakfast. Tim, for the most part, activates only one side of his brain when processing information. This means that he deals with one thing at a time: He identifies a problem, comes up with a solution, and moves on. That was one of the reasons he hadn't paid much attention to Ella's needs: His answer to the "problem" -- that they were going to be late for the party -- was to get the child dressed as quickly as possible."

Translation: There's even more junk science, this time about Liz's frontal cortex. Her 'CEO' is controlling her brain with gray matter. It doesn't stop there. Both sides of Liz's brain have more connections between the two sides. Men hardly have this ability, so they are less adequate at "process(ing) several different streams of information at the same time" because they "for the most part" use one side of their simple brains in any given situation. Men are not complex and don't pay attention to women's needs. Men have overly simplified solutions that don't involve dragging an argument on for 2 days straight, making them lesser beings than women both emotionally and mentally.

Section 3) Where Chemicals Come In

From the article: "Liz, of course, was focused on a different problem: Ella's dirty hands. Her larger executive center saw this as a threat. It sent a message to the part of the brain that helps us create memories from our experiences and to the part that stores our memories of emotionally charged experiences -- like the results of Ella's earlier lead test, which came back high after a recent home renovation."

Translation: Tim is neglectful and will hurt the child if he is without proper female supervision. Liz's bionic brain could sense it. This is not junk science designed to bash husbands.

From the article: "Tim was concerned for Ella then too, but the lead-testing experience was quantitatively more unpleasant for Liz than it was for him, because of her biology. Women have higher levels of the hormone estrogen than men do, and estrogen does two things when women are under stress. First, it prolongs the secretion of the stress hormone cortisol, so a woman feels more stressed in the moment than a man in the same situation. Estrogen also activates a larger field of neurons in the brains of women than it does in men; these activated cells provide women with the network needed to form a much more detailed memory of the sequence of events. So Liz's hormone levels guarantee that she has a more detailed and vivid memory of her fear than Tim does. This evolutionary adaptation allows her to take good care of Ella by remembering dangerous situations so she can avoid them in the future."

Translation: Women prioritize better "because of their biology". Because of estrogen and cortisol, women feel stress more intensely, making them more the victims in any argument even if they are genetically wired to be the best arguers. They have a "larger field of neurons", too, which means they remember the sequence of events better. I thought this was already covered during the part about her brain wiring, but I supposed since estrogen does the same thing women are twice as superior as I thought in the first place. These ideas should not be bashed either, it is after all an evolutionary trait Liz has that to protect Ella from dangerous situations that Tim causes by being an idiot. These are not excuses for women to be in control while marginalizing men's feelings, family roles, intelligence and parental instincts, they are scientific facts! A women's magazine said so!

From the article: "We can see differences between them in the way they fight, too. Liz's left brain, where ability to process language resides, has more gray matter than Tim's does, and she uses both sides of her brain for speech, while Tim uses only one. These factors may help explain Liz's rich, fluid accusations and Tim's corresponding retreat into silence."

Translation: Even though this is another repeated statement about Liz using both sides of her brain and having more gray matter, it is still important to point out for the umpteenth time that Liz is just better than Tim! She has the right to accuse and carry on. His silence is not from an attempt to be reasonable and avoid arguing over NOTHING. Instead, it is because there's something wrong with him for being male, an age old story.

From the article: "That superior ability to communicate also explains how Tim's sister is able to pick up on Liz's distress right away. Women have to be better at reading the subtle and nuanced language of human expression than men, so they can better determine the needs of their highly dependent, wordless infants. The bonding that takes place between the two women is an example of a female behavior pattern in the face of stress; it serves as a better form of self-protection than the typical male "fight or flight" response."

Translation: Moms are the REAL parents. They HAVE to be better than dads. Fathers are neglectful and women are protective. Tim trying to poison Ella is a perfect example. His fight for flight response, probably from his inferior male chemicals causes him to say nothing and stop responding. (Conveniently left out is the fact that women produce adrenaline just like men do, which causes the same instinct. It is more fun to pretend this is just "typical male" behavior *wink* *wink*. Also left out is the other side to this entire statement: When women ignore men and their feelings, it is probably excusable in some way.)

Section 4) How To Fix It

From the article: "But what does all of this mean? If men and women are fundamentally, biologically different, what do those differences mean for the ultimate fate of our relationships? Are Liz and Tim destined to retreat to their sex-specific behaviors and biologically informed brains, to glare angrily at each other over their grubby child? Hopefully not. While it's clear that many of our behaviors have their roots in our sex-specific biology, it's also clear that by understanding our differences and making a genuine attempt to learn from our partners' best coping techniques, we should be able to narrow the gap between us."

Translation: This is a set up for women to modify men's behavior and roles in things. The use of the phrase "sex-specific" should be an indicator of this. Read on.

From the article: "This is a lot easier than it sounds. New science shows that for all creatures with a nervous system, the experiences we have of the world around us change the very structure of our brains. If experience changes brain chemistry and structure, and if the brain is the source of all human behavior, then men and women can learn a great deal from each other, changing their own brains in profound ways. Instead of bumping up against the differences between us, we can learn from them. Indeed, many of the same differences that cause us conflict in relationships also cause us joy -- isn't the contrast between his rough cheek and your smooth one at least part of what makes kissing so delicious?"

Translation: Again, more science without saying where it comes from and who's results they are. Men have rough cheeks. This is also more more set up.

From the article: "But this new research raises the possibility of whether we can't push this process one step further. If practicing the piano or gymnastics changes our brains so that we get better at those skills, might we not be able to change our brains as well by "practicing" the competencies of the other sex? A helpful skill women might cultivate is the ability to speak clearly and economically when communicating with others. Men, on the other hand, might cultivate the art of listening and observing the facial expressions and body language of the people with whom they negotiate or exchange ideas. If we were to practice empathy, we would no longer have to wonder at the vast chasm that separates us and could instead take advantage of the brain's natural plasticity to become more alike."

Translation: Men don't pay attention to details, facial expressions and body language. Women don't make things short and sweet. Based on these assumptions, women should be more to the point and men should pay more attention to detail. The following facts are ignored while gender roles are specifically defined and then redefined: Everyone is different, men are not stupid, women are not automatically smarter than men, magazine's should not tell women they are biologically better than men because THIS IS SEXIST and one argument between one couple is not fulfilling proof of the supposed "vast chasm that separates us". As a side note, if a woman wants to experiment with a perspective which she considers "male", that is her business. Men should NEVER be EXPECTED to modify their perspectives to become more feminized unless that is his choice. if it is his choice, I sincerely hope it is not because he believes the female chemistry is something to envied. There is nothing wrong with being male.

From the article: "To some extent, this metamorphosis is already happening, as the opportunities for women become more like the ones available to men, and our experiences become more similar while our roles become more blurred. As we continue to learn from one another, and in that way become more like each other, I believe we make it possible to live up to our potential in the world and to communicate more effectively with our partners in love and work, instead of firing at each other across the trenches."

Translation: Couples need to communicate better. This is obvious without an article which makes excuses for females (their biology) and puts added blame on males (and their biology). Even if 100% of the information in this article that claims to be scientific is indeed factually correct, it has been interpreted in a biased way which takes much accountability off of women and places the slack on men. A theme consistent in feminine publications and feminist culture.

Summary: The writer is a has "MD" at the end of her name, signifying she is a medical doctor. No male MD would ever be so sexist as to take what little information we know about the human brain and manipulate it to sound like men are superior and have the right to be in control of women. This doctor has no regard for other people's skepticism. If she did she would have more references to back up what an expert she is on the brain or should at least say what her experiences and credibility are. There is some background on her here but it is from a women's health web site which does nothing but praise her. Here her biased work at "Columbia University, where she founded and heads the Partnership for Gender-Specific Medicine" (women are superior) is featured and her sexist books are advertised. There is also a picture of her. If she respected men or scientific method, she would just be a doctor for women without the male bashing slant. If she wants to also empower women in addition to being an MD, she could also do that without the anti-male attitude. I hope information like hers is eventually tossed in the "myth" pile along with the we only use 10% of our brains farce.